A muddled post
Thoughts have been racing through my mind this week. Every time I sit still and try to relax, the merry-go-round in my mind starts up again. It’s been so annoying that I finally decided to write them down, before they drive me crazy.
When you get to this age, i. e. my age, you’re bound to think back to other (and yes, better) times, but also of what may or may not lay ahead of you. At 50, you do a stock-taking exercise of sorts. What have I achieved? Where did I go wrong? Would I do this or that differently today? Why did I do what I did, in the first place?
I think about how people perceive Sabine. That’s a challenge!
I’m trying to be totally unbiased and if I’m honest, I wouldn’t like Sabine very much if I met her. Probably, after getting to know her better, I’d change my mind, but it would take a while. One skill she is seriously lacking, is diplomacy. If she thinks your outfit, which you’re so proud of, sucks, she’ll have an awfully hard time to tell you that you’re looking great. If she doesn’t like you for whatever reason, she’ll not be able to smile in your face. She can’t even give a positive reply to the banal and, let’s face it, rhetorical question, “How are you?” if she’s not fine. It’s not that she’s expecting you to then ask her what was wrong. She just can’t lie or pretend, that’s all.
Sabine often sits and wonders why she was cursed with the ability to think. But diplomacy requires thought before talk – a task Sabine hasn’t learnt in 50 years… The terrible thing about all this is that she is intelligent enough to realise when she’s pissing off others. She actually could give you a complete (and long!) list of people that she severely annoyed since her teenager years. But her only regret about that is that most times she wasn’t able to explain why she felt she had to say what she said.
You think this post is rather weird and muddled – and above all, seriously lacking entertainment value. Well, you see, that’s been my point all along. However, the other side to the Sabine coin is, I’m genuinely able to put myself in someone’s shoes when they say or do something that annoys me. And so the merry-go-round starts all over again…
Oh man… perhaps it’s better you just ignore me. I guess it’s just one of those days. Perhaps I’d better stick to my photos…
I find that midsummer and mid winter madness sets in! Don’t worry about it! Let it out! Let it pass! Entertainment value? Ummm…It depends whether the reader empathises and/or sympathises and finds some wry humour in the fact “Been there! Done that!”
thank you Gemma, it’s really nice to know there’s someone out there who actually understands my weird way of thinking!!
I read your words and I immediately thought of this:
“You know, the older I get, the more I realize the importance of forgiveness because when we hang on to stuff that’s being done to us or we’ve done to other people it gets us stuck and it’s very difficult to get back to being happy and I know in forgiving often the person who is the most difficult person to forgive is our very selves and so this is what this song (The Awakening) is about…”
(Roger Hodgson)
Elke, I think you (and Roger, of course) hit the nail on the head…