Tonight there is going to be a ‘healing service’ in our Church square, just metres away from my home . The announcement in last week’s bulletin somehow caught my eye, and I’ve been thinking about it every day. That’s rather strange as I don’t actually believe it works. Some time ago I saw something on a local TV station about these services given by “Dr John” and all I could think about was the cult-like taste it had to it. And yet… I can’t help thinking about how apt the timing is. Probably goes to show how ready I am for a miracle! Which, I must stress, I’m way too cynic to believe in happening. I admit sometimes it sucks to be me…

On the other hand, there are things that still manage to pull my attention away from my own misery and put things into perspective. My friend Lisa, who I’d finally met in person in Munich last month, is just now having a tough time after her routine mammography last week showed up a calcification that needed checking out. She was supposed to receive the results yesterday but then was put on hold until Monday as further tests became necessary. Lisa still doesn’t know whether it’s all good or bad, and frankly, if I was in her shoes it would freak me out.

Honey, I’m thinking of you, Jenna and Keith, and sending sunshine and lots of virtual hugs for you all across the ocean! I hope that by Monday the spook will be over and you can get on with your lives! xxx

Max, looking cute

It’s been an eternity since I last took photos, so I took advantage of waking up so dreadfully early and spent some time in the garden before the sun started creeping over the wall. I fed the cats – I think they were very surprised to see me out so early! – walked a bit around and finally sat down, waiting for an opportunity to “shoot” them. Came up almost empty-handed though, they only ever pose when I’m not armed with a camera! And it was already sooo bloody hot that even just sitting there motionless, the sweat started running down my face… Can’t wait for autumn to arrive!

Max playing in the garden after breakfast

Ok, change of subject. After my post of last weekend three people suggested – independently from each other – that my symptoms might be those of fibromyalgia (FM). As you can imagine I proceeded to soak up everything related to this condition via google. If that is really what I have (I have not been diagnosed yet), it’s good news because it isn’t life-threatening, and bad news as it cannot be cured. Mind you, I don’t have all the symptoms; one of the defining criteria, the ‘painful response to pressure’ , is mostly absent, and even with the shortage of sleep that I’ve had I can’t really say that fatigue is part of my symptoms. I do usually get really tired after lunch-time but that is no surprise, is it?

I went back to my GP on Monday and told him what I’d learnt about FM. I went home with a bottle of Nortrilen (Nortriptyline), which is – once again – an antidepressant, which is often prescribed for fibromyalgia patients. So far it hasn’t done anything, either good or bad… patience is the name of the game. Which, as you probably know by now, is something I don’t have at the best of times – and these times are really, really not my best! *sigh* This morning my doctor phoned me to inform me that the blood tests of last Monday had come all back “totally normal”. Also, he is going to make contact with a rheumatologist, who is specializing in the field of FM and whose name I’d been given by someone diagnosed with it, over in Malta. I wish things would move faster; I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to deal with this permanent feeling of having been run over by a semitrailer…

This past week has been a particularly bad one. I guess the culprit was my 14 hour duty manager shift last Sunday. That was an exertion from which I just didn’t manage to bounce back, even though I was off the following Monday. The headaches – sometimes better, sometimes worse – are accompanying muscle pains in my left leg, left upper arm, right hip and right chest. Once I sit down, I have trouble getting up again. Walking up the stairs from the kitchen to the bedroom makes me wince, as does lying down to sleep – and getting up again – and my nights are split up in short exhausted bursts of sleep, interrupted by more pain.

This week I’ve contemplated seeing a doctor every single morning, but each time his last words to me rang in my ears, “I really don’t know any more what to do with you.” So I saved myself the aggravation of being seen as a querulous patient who has nothing better to do than getting on his nerves.

After I’ve lived more years in Gozo than in Berlin, I’m finally seriously questioning my wisdom of moving here. I mean, forget about my rants over the years about this island’s little quirks, because they are nothing compared to what I’m experiencing now.

In my work back in Berlin I used to be surrounded by specialists in all areas, and I knew first-hand how people with all sorts of symptoms of “unclear origin” were systematically put through whole batteries of tests until a diagnosis was reached – or eliminated. Sometimes, while writing the medical reports, I would feel sorry for them, wondering whether it was really necessary to subject them to all those tests… Well. I know better now, don’t I? As silly as it may sound, but I don’t think that here in Gozo I stand a chance of getting any better. Right now, I sure wish I could turn back the time to have the chance to be put through the mill. On the other hand, I can’t help doubting that I would have found myself in this situation in the first place. At least as far as I remember, work and leisure were far more balanced in Germany than they are over here…

Quality of life. Ha! Search the internet for chronic pain conditions and that term crops up everywhere as an important factor in the treatment of such syndromes. Funnily enough, being able to live in Gozo for many foreigners is seen as the epitome of superior quality of life. Hell, I used to believe that myself – but I’ve changed my mind.

Like Bees to Honey is the title of Caroline Smailes’s new book – and it’s all about Malta! You may remember Caroline’s sad stories In Search of Adam; and Black Boxes. Well, this one is different; it is a very positive and enchanting tale – but it has all the tell-tale signs of Caroline’s totally unique style. Which I just love! I bought  Like Bees to Honey a week ago here in Gozo, couldn’t believe seeing it on sale in Gozo! However, I only started reading a little of the first chapter – and it’s not Caroline’s fault I put it down again. Actually it had drawn me right in, but I still have trouble sitting still for long stretches, which is why for instance this blog post has already taken me two days to write. But what’s even more disconcerting is, reading (even with my glasses on!) makes my headaches worse (for this old bookworm that’s a disaster!). But it is on my immediate to do list, and when I’m done I’ll tell you more!

Incidentally, Caroline was just in Malta on a book tour. She toured several Agenda bookshops, which I found out from the news on TV… What a bummer! I certainly would have made an effort to meet her in Malta, had I only known before. *sigh*

Gotta Go To Gozo

At the last count there were almost five hundred people that call themselves my “friends” on facebook. Yet I can’t seem to get even one tenth of those to vote for the photos I submitted to Arkadia’s photo competition, Gotta Go To Gozo. (However there are a few real friends who put so much effort into helping me that I don’t know how to thank them!!)

It’s a drag, especially as I’m one of the worst sales persons you could imagine, spamming other people just makes me cringe… But unfortunately that’s the way this competition works.

So, I’m not giving up just yet! Perhaps with a little perseverance I’ll reach at least the ‘Top 20′. If you’re on Facebook please do click the above image and vote for it. It’s pain-free and doesn’t cost anything. You can vote for my other photos, too, if you like (see my previous post), but this image has received most votes so far – and it is actually my favourite, so I might as well concentrate my efforts on this one pic… Thank you if you do vote, and don’t worry if you don’t: I wouldn’t know either way!

Pain

Today is Sunday; to me that means the calm before the storm. Tomorrow I’ll have to start “functioning” normally again, and I’m rather worried about it. I’ve had two weeks off from work, to go to Munich and then another week to recover from everything, including my earlier ordeals. Only the recovering part hasn’t really worked out as expected. I still have headaches every day and night, though there are a few hours scattered throughout the day that are better than other times. The muscle pains are what really worry me, they just won’t let up and keep waking me every two hours at night. On two occasions I took a couple of Panadols in the middle of the night, which helped a little but not much. Is all this still rebound pain after my painkiller troubles – or is something else at work here?

And then there’s the weight loss; my stomach seems to have shrunk in the past few months. So I’m eating lots of little “meals” throughout the day, even chocolate and other sweets sometimes, but for the life of me I just can’t get back up beyond the 53 kg mark.

After successfully dealing with the earth-shattering realisation that I was addicted to painkillers, I didn’t expect this whole story to drag into August – but that’s what it did, and no end is in sight. I’m really at a loss here…

I would be very grateful if you’d help me by voting for my photos (the only snag here is that you have to be a Facebook user to vote). Below are the pics I submitted – each is linked to its voting page on gottagotogozo.com, Arkadia’s competition page.

Thank you very much in advance for your support!!

Finally, here are my photos of Roger Hodgson‘s gig at Tollwood. Hope you’ll like them; the quality is a little better than on facebook!! Unfortunately we were only allowed to take photos during the first three songs. That means I didn’t get the chance to catch Roger playing the piano… sadly! But I guess you can’t have it all, eh? I’m happy with what I got!

I’d like to say a heartfelt thank-you to Linda Tyler for allowing me to take these photos. Linda is one helluva kind lady, always smiling and always there to help Roger’s friends/fans with whatever we need. She’s simply amazing!

And then there’s Kathy, our dear friend who is the driving force behind Roger’s Garden Gate (and Roger’s web-master!). She is the one who has brought us all together… Here’s a big virtual hug for you Kathy – but you really should have been there with the rest of us for the real thing!! Maybe next time??

Click on the images to see their larger versions. Enjoy!

Finally a cooler day… The weather was incredibly hot until last night a heavy thunderstorm cooled things down. Today it’s been raining on and off; I’ll enjoy it as long as it last! Seeing Malta’s weather forecast really makes me want to stay here forever!

Six long months waiting for Roger Hodgson’s gig at the Tollwood Summer Festival (I bought my ticket in January!) – and now it’s already over; the days have flown by, just as good times tend to do!

Tollwood, Munich

Tuesday night our friend Gregor received a shocking e-mail from Linda: After Roger’s concert in Quimper/France they were unable to fly to Munich because French air traffic controllers chose to strike exactly between Tuesday evening until Thursday morning!! In another e-mail at lunchtime on Wednesday Linda told him they were still in France… She certainly managed to keep us in suspense! Well, we all know how dedicated Roger is to his fans. In the end they drove by bus to Germany, then hired a “little jet” and arrived at the venue half an hour before the start of the gig!

Even after such a harrowing journey, a beaming Linda came out before the show to greet and hug each of us, after arranging photo passes for those of us with cameras and organising those coveted little “after show” passes for the whole gang…

And what about Roger & Aaron? Nothing short of astonishing. You could not only see, but also hear and feel how much they enjoyed playing for about 4,500 people! After opening with The Long Way Home, Roger explained to the crowd what had happened that had caused the delay, and then played Give A Little Bit. Thank you Gregor (again – I’ll be forever in debt with you LOL!) for capturing it. I had recorded the speech too, but the sound is awful…

Because of the half-hour delay to the start of the show, they also did away with the intermission as apparently there was a curfew and they weren’t allowed to play after 10 pm. Roger’s voice was impeccable as always – and if you believe that I’m biased (which I am but that doesn’t mean I would lie!), today’s ‘Abendzeitung’ captioned Roger’s photo thus: “Glasklar wie immer” = crystal-clear as always! (Although the journalist who wrote the article, a certain Arno Frank Eser, should be ashamed to change Aaron into Eric… I mean, that guy gets paid for his writing/researching, right?!)

Still not showing any signs of fatigue, Roger welcomed quite a crowd of fans at the after-show meet & greet – all separately in individual groups of friends. His incredible gift of making you feel good is just amazing. Thank you for being the person you are Roger!

I will post photos on Saturday or Sunday, but if you don’t want to wait that long, there are unedited pics of the concert on facebook. But here’s the set list – kindly provided by Gregor (thank you!!). I don’t know how he does it, but he seems to get it every time LOL! *envy*

Friends

The friendships that were made through Roger’s music are lasting ones; it never ceases to amaze me how well we’re all matched, even though we’re all so different from each other.

Our little Garden Gang group was almost unchanged from March 2009: Mick & Sharon (Ireland), Claudia (Germany), Christine (Austria), Gregor & Family (Germany), Anina & Sámal (Faroe Islands), Miriam & Olaf (Germany) Sylvia (Switzerland), and last but really not least, Lisa & Jenna (Wisconsin, USA) (yes that’s right, USA!!). Seeing each other again was like coming home… We all stayed at the same hotel (Best Western Aparthotel) very close to the Tollwood venue, which meant we were able to spend many hours together. Especially dinner and after-dinner drinks on the first night were hard work on the muscles: the laughter was killing us all LOL!

We’re already looking forward to the next time… Mick mentioned Dublin to be a possibility in the future – well, I think I’ll be there!

Something that’s been nagging me

I don’t really want to taint the wonderful time we all had with negativity, which is why I’m hesitating a little to write about the organisational aspect of the event. On the other hand I believe one should mention these things, not least because people might mistakenly blame Roger or his management. Interestingly, Roger said in the beginning, “I don’t know if they allow you to dance here, but…” As if he knew already that dancing was a big no-no as far as the organisers were concerned.

But for more serious starters, there was the opening of the gate – or more precisely two openings. After queuing for hours at the outside gate, one scrambled to queue at one of eight entrances to the concert tent. And “queue” isn’t even accurate; there were no lines to speak of, just crowds. Because of the delay, tensions started to rise a little, and by the time the metal doors did open (to the outside, i. e. onto the crowd and no security staff in sight!), people just seemed to be crazy. I’m honestly surprised – and relieved! – that nobody got hurt in the resulting stampede as people scrambled for what they could scramble for (really, really sorry for the pun!!), which were the unnumbered seats! It was like a huge game of musical chairs, only it wasn’t funny.

I’ve decided not to describe the events as they kept unfolding throughout the concert, courtesy of the security guys and girls. The name printed on the staff t-shirts was “MfG”. That is a German abbreviation for “Mit freundlichen Grüßen“ (= with kind regards). Of course I’m sure that’s not the company’s name, but the association in the mind is there. Well, what can I say, I’ve never seen security staff behave like these people did, and kind or friendly aren’t attributes that would jump to mind. What’s certain, however, is that the organizers didn’t have a clue what Roger Hodgson is all about. Let’s leave it at that. Maybe, just maybe, they will know better next time, but I doubt it…

Well, yesterday was Saturday so instead of twisting and turning and trying to get back to sleep I got up and made myself a coffee. A glimpse outside the bedroom window revealed thick fog patches and then it didn’t take me long to get dressed and go out with my camera!

As we all know, life definitely is a bitch sometimes, and yesterday was ‘sometimes’. I headed for the harbour as I’ve wanted for ages to catch one of those shots of Comino, Cominotto and Malta sticking out of fog banks, with the sea hidden beneath white cotton. But the fog apparently had other ideas about the perfect location – and the harbour was not it.

I had no idea which way to turn (I later learnt I should have headed for Ramla/Xaghra), so I decided to stick it out on the eastern part of the island. The results weren’t what I intended, but they still turned out ok I think.

How funny that the venue of our last day was the Ninu Cremona School in Victoria. I was still fighting my pain demons and thus wasn’t able to take full advantage of all the weird nooks and crannies that offered such marvellous settings for a photo-shoot. Here are my best shots, but if you like you can see more – and better ones! – in the group photo album, which has now been made public (though I think you’ll have to be on facebook – but I’m not sure!).

(Model: Anna Marie Tabone)